It’s just been announced that the Tali-ban are opening a chain of Army Surplus stores – they’re going to be called Traitor Joe’s. Rumor has it that 10% off the top is going to “the big guy” – the senile old guy that is helping to sell out America.
“You know, I think it’s time to boycott these traitors,” he said. “I mean, they’re the reason our country is in this economic mess.”
He gestured towards the recently opened Traitor Joe’s Army Surplus store on the corner. “Just look at what they’ve done.”
“Hey, what’s up Joe?” I said as I saw Joe walking across the street.
He looked at me and walked past without saying a word. That was weird – he always had time to chat with me before.
I shrugged it off and went into my favorite Army surplus store, Traitor-Joe’s, for a new pair of boots since the one I had been wearing were getting too small for me. When I walked in there was a guy sitting on a stool behind the counter who looks like Joe but his name tag says “Sargent.” He didn’t say anything when he saw me walk in either because according to him he wasn’t allowed to talk to customers anymore either…
“Hey, loser! Wanna buy some army surplus?” a bearded man calls out to me. I turn down the dirty street and spot a fellow in a camo jacket waving his hand in front of an Army Surplus store sign.
I cross my arms over my chest and give him a once-over before answering. “No thanks, I’m not interested.”
His eyebrows dart up in surprise as he looks at me again. He spits on the ground next to himself and wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket before spitting again – gross! “Come on,” he says, sounding more like he’s pleading than trying to sell something now that we’re face-to-face which isn’t surprising
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